Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Explaining PPD: Moving from Surviving to Survivor

How does one go about explaining PPD to someone who has never been through it?  Is there a difference between PPD and depression?  How long can PPD hang around? 

This is the task that I have faced lately and I am not certain that I was up to it.  Obviously I am able to explain what my experiences have been but there are many questions that I have begun to realise that I don't understand.

What are the differences between PPD and depression?  Can PPD transform into depression?

I know that I have been engulfed in this darkness for about 4 years.  For the first two I didn't understand what was going on and I didn't seek help.  So for just over the past two years I have been struggling to pull out of the darkness that has had this terrible grip on me.  There have been steps forward and leaps backwards.  I have tried several different combinations of therapies and medications.  I am still not at a place where I can say that I have survived this.

I was asked about my fear of relapse . . . is this fear rational if I am under treatment?  How can one relapse if PPD is different from depression?

I don't have any answers to these questions.  I do know that my current treatment has lightened my life but has not defeated the darkness.  I know that the anger has been replaced by sadness.  I am aware that I have better concentration and motivation but it is still not anywhere near what it once was.  I find that I am still easily overwhelmed and that I tend to push to the side things that I cannot cope with or find answers to.  So while things are better, I still struggle many days.

When will I be able to say that I have survived PPD?
Jenn

11 comments:

  1. Here with you, seeking the answer. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You will be able to, I just know it. The fact you are fighting shows you want to win the battle and I so know you will. Its a boxing bag that one day you will have belted the crap out of and it will fall.

    You are doing amazing thing sharing this which will help you get the edge on this as well. Keep on swimming mate, just keep on swimming x

    ReplyDelete
  3. i wish I had an answer for you, but I too am struggling with the same questions. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're amazing. Chin up luv, we're all here supporting you

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think this is the third time I've read this without being able to think what to say. I came here today hoping you were ready to declare yourself a survivor, but not quite yet I suppose. Just know this - you are a beautiful fighter, and you will beat this. Maybe that won't look the way you expect it to. Maybe you'll knock it out of the park, or maybe you'll find a way to steal home, but you will get there. I promise.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I kept coming back to this post as well, hoping for an insight that I could give you. You are fighting this, and it will get better. Each one of us that opens up online or IRL helps to dispel the myths of PPD. You are so brave for sharing your story.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I had and have all of these questions.
    I can tell you that in a way it doesn't matter if it is ppd or depression. Fact is: it is an illness; fact is: it is not your fault; fact is: it is treatable! Focus on the good and not on the bad. Believe me,I know that is hard! And focus on all the things that you didn't think would get better, but then they did. That means you are getting better! The setbacks are tough and they make you think that it will never get better, but they are part of the healing process. Lots of love to you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Jenn, don't let the journey distract you from your recovery. Keep the hope alive, but don't give yourself a deadline. Every step counts! Just keep on moving! Every one deals with PPD or depression differently.

    I know how 'depressing' it is, especially for us who are STILL dealing with some sort of depression long after the actual birth of our children, to look back and wonder why we are STILL in some kind of darkness. But I'm here to remind you, and I hope that you'll do the same for me during my low times, that the journey counts.

    Sending you lots of warm hugs, dear friend.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, Jenn. I so wish I could fix this for you. I know what it's like to be stuck for so long, although 4 years is a really long time.

    If it helps when I moved from anger to sadness I actually was getting better. I didn't know it at the time, and it's a horrible feeling, but it was a good step for me.

    Hoping you can answer that question soon.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I knew I had survived when I didn't think about surviving everyday. When I didn't feel like everyday was a struggle and I felt happy to wake up everyday.

    I have relapsed.

    Twice.

    And I survived each time with the same feelings.

    This time is different. It's a new sadness and a new feeling. Depression and PPD ARE DIFFERENT.

    when you've beat it you know and you will get there.

    ReplyDelete

Ah connecting is a grand thing!