Thursday, 26 January 2012

Heavy

My heart feels heavy.  My mind is tired . . . overwhelmed with demands.  The weight of my life is sitting squarely on my shoulders . . . pushing me down . . . taunting me with images of darkness. 

I long for quiet . . . for sleep . . . to be absolutely alone . . . if only for a short time.  I long for the ability to understand . . . to interpret . . . to meet their needs without all the drama.  Why must it all be so hard? 

I fight against the anger . . . the poison filled words that swirl in my head . . . I struggle to maintain my control . . . I am the adult but I am tired.

Have I spoiled them . . .  given in too often . . . why am I not heard . . . why must there be battles over everything? 

I long for peace . . . for calm . . . for a time when there is not so much chaos.

Jenn

10 comments:

  1. We all have those days. You can make it another 15 or so years...you can...we ALL can...

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  2. I know Jim already gave you a hug...but here's one from me too. *HUG*. It'll get better, Jenn.

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  3. Oh sweetie. I wish you weren't feeling this.

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  4. They always have a special way of hitting the right nerves.
    I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. I think that all of us mom's feel like we are losing the batttle with our kids some days.
    You'll get through this.
    Sending hugs.

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  5. Oh mate, I swear the little buggers are most trying on the days when we least need them to be :)

    I often wonder why my child thinks everything is negotiable, whey he cant just say yes when he's asked to eat, clean his teeth, go to bed etc. My only hope is that this skill for questioning every damn thing one day translates into some great career ;)

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  6. I'm right there with you, Jenn. Hugs.

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  7. You're bound to have these days friend. Just remember, they are kids... it's what they do.
    You're a wonderful mother, never doubt that.
    xo

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  8. How is it that something so tiny (a baby) can bring you to your knees with equal amounts of wonder and broken?!! And then they get older and the days of being on your knees under the sheer weight of it doesn't go away, it just sort of changes shape.....

    Keep plodding, wait for those blessed breaks in the clouds when they come xoxoxox The sheer impossible moments will pass. They must.

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  9. I'm sorry I missed this yesterday.

    Love you.... that's all I got...

    xoxoxoxoxoxo

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Ah connecting is a grand thing!