Thursday, 29 March 2012

Sorry For the Delay

I have been rather emo lately and haven't had the energy to write it out . . . or perhaps I am just afraid that by being all dark and moody that those of you who stop by to see me might get tired of it all and just forget about this little space.

So much talk lately about feeling invisible and my god but do I feel that way at work.  I am sinking there again, the newly found/regained confidence is eroding and has left me exhausted and vulnerable. 

Vulnerable?  Strange choice of word I suppose but it is the reality.  My feelings are like exposed nerves, raw and easily pained. 

I spend my days lately feeling oh so lonely but knowing that truly I am not alone.  I have amazing friends close by who, in a second, would drag me out for coffee and just sit and chat.  Yet, the logic seems to be losing to the depression which apparently has decided to stop by and say "hi" again.

The logic tells me that I am feeling this way because I have switched my meds.  The logic tells me that I should just pick up the phone and call someone and say "Hey wanna go for a coffee".  The logic tells me that I am not worthless, that I am someone whom many people feel lucky to have in their lives.

The depression tells me that that is all bullshit.  The depression tells me that I am an ugly person, both inside and out, a person who is not worth seeing.  The depression tells me that I am easily ignored, that I am forgotten about.

I know that the depression is lying to me.  I know it.  But on days like today, it puts up a pretty good argument.

Jenn

16 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, friend. Depression is such an evil bitch. It's hard to say what's the worst thing about it, but I think part that lies to us and makes us feel like we're not worth it is the worst. Hugs. I'm here for virtual coffee.

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  2. Aww, thanks for the support. I am just having a really down day and just needed to write it out. I love the idea of a virtual coffee . . . What a great twitter hashtag kind of event.
    Jenn

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  3. I read your posts but comment very little, if ever. I should do that more, so you know that I'm here. I'm just one little person probably on the other side of the country...or maybe in another country, but I'm here and miss it when you don't write. So even though today you are feeling so bad, thank you for writing so that I could read it and know that you are out there too.

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    1. Thanks for being here. There is strength in knowing I am not alone.
      Jenn

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  4. Huge hugs. Depression tells us such lies and takes away our confidence. Just sending you some virtual love.

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    1. Thank you for the virtual love.
      Jenn

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  5. Hugs to you. You know how I feel about you. I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

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  6. Yes the depression is a liar but in the midst of sadness this is hard to tell. I know the feelings of loneliness and vulnerability that come along with a relapse. You will get through this. We'll help you.

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  7. Your logic isn't the only one telling you that people feel lucky to have you in their lives. I'M telling you that, too!

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  8. Depression is the biggest liar there is.
    Depression told my father he was worthless and so he listened, and killed himself when I was in the 1st grade.

    Don't listen to that lying bitch.

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  9. Ah, I'm sorry. Depression is a big fat liar. I know this logically too, but emotionally...gah. I'm really sorry Jenn. I'd drag you out for coffee if I were closer.

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  10. Tonight on Twitter someone wrote "depression is such a lying liar"
    Hang in there... we're all here for you.

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  11. :( Depression IS a lying liar. We'd never get tired of anything you said on your space here, unless you started to feed us BS, too (like the depression). We're here for you and yes, so very lucky to have you in our lives.

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  12. Depression is such a liar. We are here to help you through and support you in any way you need. Sending you love and strength and wishing I lived by you so you could call me for coffee or I could call you!

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  13. Can I have a virtual coffee with you from across the oceans as well? I know the depression is lying to you, my fave Canadian. You just go gently and easy on your good self and know the bloggers who love you are here to catch you if you fall x

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Ah connecting is a grand thing!