I have been rather emo lately and haven't had the energy to write it out . . . or perhaps I am just afraid that by being all dark and moody that those of you who stop by to see me might get tired of it all and just forget about this little space.
So much talk lately about feeling invisible and my god but do I feel that way at work. I am sinking there again, the newly found/regained confidence is eroding and has left me exhausted and vulnerable.
Vulnerable? Strange choice of word I suppose but it is the reality. My feelings are like exposed nerves, raw and easily pained.
I spend my days lately feeling oh so lonely but knowing that truly I am not alone. I have amazing friends close by who, in a second, would drag me out for coffee and just sit and chat. Yet, the logic seems to be losing to the depression which apparently has decided to stop by and say "hi" again.
The logic tells me that I am feeling this way because I have switched my meds. The logic tells me that I should just pick up the phone and call someone and say "Hey wanna go for a coffee". The logic tells me that I am not worthless, that I am someone whom many people feel lucky to have in their lives.
The depression tells me that that is all bullshit. The depression tells me that I am an ugly person, both inside and out, a person who is not worth seeing. The depression tells me that I am easily ignored, that I am forgotten about.
I know that the depression is lying to me. I know it. But on days like today, it puts up a pretty good argument.