Friday, 13 April 2012

Anxiety Does Not Play Nice

I hate the mornings. 

No matter what time we are up at it seems that it is always a mad dash to get out of the house in time for me to get the kids or kid, depending on the day, dropped off at daycare and me to work on time. Basically each morning I am a big ol' ball of stress and anxiety . . . which tends to mean that I get frustrated way too easily and perhaps lash out at whatever is the perceived source of my frustration.

Take for example the child-sized suitcase and box that got kicked out of my way several times this morning as I frantically looked for jacket . . . which it turns out I forgot at the gym. 

Add to this the always increased anxiety surrounding a visit by my mother and the fact that I had a plan in my head that was not working out and I was more than a little bit crazy this morning.  There are days I firmly believe that Brad should be considered for sainthood for putting up with me . . . but seeing as we aren't Catholic I have a sneaking suspicion that that is not all that likely.

So I am already in my morning panic and I decided that I need to tidy up the kitchen lest my mother feel the need to offer up advice such as  if I just did the dishes right away then they wouldn't still be sitting there.  A quick survey of the kitchen had my anxiety beginning to creep up so of course I decide that today I must have a protein drink to see if it will help with the fatigue that I am feeling.  The problem is that the scoop is way too big to put the protein powder into the bottle I was planning on using and apparently we only have one thing with a spout on it  . . .  that one thing was in the dishwasher because in my mad  panic to get the kitchen to a somewhat respectable level for my mother.

A sane person would have figured out that the protein drink was not a necessity but I am not a sane person . . . particularly not in the mornings.  Nope, I decided that somehow, someway that damn powder is getting into that effing bottle and in the process I make a huge mess which results in skyrocketing anxiety.  Awesome!

Anxiety is not new to me . . . I have always been a wee bit of an anxious person . . . but the power behind it now is incredible.  It can almost render me completely incapble of coping with really minor things and I have to be honest with you, that just pisses me off.  Seriously, there is no need to panic over spilled protein powder and yet . . .

Jenn

5 comments:

  1. Been there, done that sweetie pie. Seems like once anxiety takes hold it just snowballs and gets bigger and bigger until it just either puts me in a full blown panic attack or a ball of Karen in the corner. I've learned to try to slow things down before it gets started - to "Just Breathe." If I feel it taking hold, no matter what I'm doing I stop, be still, and BREATHE until I start to calm. Normally that does the trick. When it doesn't, I take a ride to benzo-town. :)

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  2. Jenn, I so get this. The morning dash to get the girls to daycare & me to work leaves me in a puddle of sweat. My anxiety causes me to sweat. How awesome is that? So to decompress on my commute, I have been listening to audiobooks written by my favorite funny authors.

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  3. I so understand this. Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to clean house before her parents come over, to avoid getting too many "helpful" comments. And I don't miss the whole get-the-kids-to-day-care-and-get-to-work-on-time hell one bit.

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  4. I've found that if I'm not totally prepared for the morning the night before, I'm a jumble of loud, irrational anxiety in the morning, too. Blargh.

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  5. Is there a way for you to get things ready the night before? That always helps me.
    What about meditation? Can you fit that in? I know, probably not....
    Ummmm....what about listening to upbeat music or soothing music while you all get ready?
    Gah...I know. It sucks.

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