Thursday, 21 June 2012

Playing Favourites

So two kids = trying to balance the needs of two very different and demanding little tyrants.  

Lately I have been getting the impression that Little Miss seems to think that I favour her brother by saying things like "You always let him (insert whatever the current issue is) . . . ".  While nothing could be further from the truth, I honestly do love them both in ways that I cannot even describe, I can see where she is coming from.

Little Miss has been the more logical of the two, the one that I could reason with more easily, even from an early age.  Her brother is a complete hot mess, dissolving in tears of broken-hearted frustration when things don't go his own way.  In other words, he is completely exhausting.

Standing back, I can see how there are times when I placate him more than I would have her in a similar situation because I am just too damn tired to deal with his drama.  Is this the right approach?  Probably not.  

Perhaps my expectations for her are high, perhaps too high, because she has always been so much easier to reason with.  Perhaps I hold her to these expectations, believing that she should just understand why I try and avoid the dramatic meltdowns of her brother when I am just too tired to cope with it.  I admit that there have been times when how I have coped with it have been less than stellar.

I strongly suspect that this is not fair.  Hell, I am the oldest child and I have a nagging feeling that this is one of those issues that I had as well. I do realise that life is not fair but I certainly don't want Little Miss feeling like I love her brother more.

Now, lest you sit in judgement thinking that I give in to my sons every tantrum that is not the case.  I just know that when he looses control he needs to be comforted rather than scolded. Basically he seems to need help regaining control of his emotions and I think it is my job, at this at this age and stage, to help him with that.  

My kids are amazing, funny, caring, loving,  frustrating individuals.  At times they are so alike it amazes me and other times they could not be more different.  They are individuals and I try to remember that, particularly when I am parenting through the more challenging times.  I guess at this point I need to remember to take a moment and parent them better during the easy times so that they both know how much I love them. For she is my most favourite little girl in the whole wide world and he is my most favourite little boy in the whole wide world.

Jenn

3 comments:

  1. Aren't they amazing teachers? And healers? It sounds so trite (and oft-repeated enough that I know I have often turned a blind eye to the real magic of raising my child). But it still remains: you can knit together so much of your Self - that child state, the adult that still silently screams how 'unfair' it is, or gets worried about how their children are seen by others, etc. - and there will be things that scar and scathe them just as they did you. But I like to think we come out the other side, each of us (mums, dads, children) with a completion to the whole Upbringing experience... whether we're the ones doing the raising or being raised! And so the cycle goes, I s'pose!

    Who cares if your approach is right or not? You'll be perfect and horrible in your children's eyes in varying degrees over their lives...... and the rest they can work out when they're adults themselves and look back and go "Huh.. mum was a bit of alright, you know" ;-) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm in the same boat, Jenn! The younger two definitely get away with things more easily, because they throw tantrums like little pros (especially child #3). But, I know they'll grow out of it, just like the big two (mostly) did, so I'm not too worried about it. As I'm sure your hot little mess will too (mostly). :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was the oldest and I remember thinking my parents favoured my brother. Looking back I know they didn't. They loved us the same but we are two different people.

    ReplyDelete

Ah connecting is a grand thing!