Monday, 11 June 2012

The Sound of Noise

Back in the day, before the arrival of my little man, noise didn't seem to phase me.  Certainly Little Miss' tiny cries would break my fragile new mom heart but just general noise didn't affect me.

Today was such a day of contrasts.  It was a beautiful day.  My lunch was spent out in the sun, enjoying the beauty of the park that surrounds me daily.  I was happy.  I was calm. I was grateful for my life.

My mood changed, seemingly on a dime, when I arrived home.  Suddenly the noise of whining, the constant demands for my attention, for me to fulfil an apparently desperate need, overwhelmed me.  It was just too much.  My mood sunk.

Much like that book "Go The F*ck to Sleep" . . . the mantra running through my head is "Please, Just Shut The F*ck Up."

Noise triggers terrible anxiety and anger, particularly when the noise seems to be focused on me.  My ability to cope with the everyday life evaporates and I struggle to maintain my composure  . . . struggle to not beg those around me to just shut up.

Growing up, shut up was considered a swear word and was not permitted . . . . with my desperate need to shout it from the hills on some days just makes me feel horrible . . . a terrible guilt that I am wanting / needing to swear at my kids.

I need to find some way of coping, of not allowing noise to be a trigger because, let's face it, kids are noisy . . . . incredibly noisy!

***

I finally got to a Little Miss soccer game tonight . . . I fear that I am a soccer mom.  I also fear the my daughter is completely harassing the poor coach with her tugging at his shorts, chasing him down to hug him and basically following him around the field.  The poor guy is being unintentionally sexually harassed by a completely innocent 4 year old.

Needless to say, both Brad and I have apologised to the coach and discussed with Little Miss about how coaches do love hugs but they love high-fives even more! 


***

It is now less than two weeks to my race and I am so not ready.  Life, a pulled calf muscle and the kids activities have meant that I have not been training nearly as much as I had hoped to.  Basically now my goal is to avoid as many burpees as possible and just have fun!  I am nervous though . . . very, very nervous.

Jenn

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

17 comments:

  1. Ha! Your 4 yo is unintentionally sexually harassing her coach! There is lots of great stuff here! I like to avoid burps too. Erin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh it is sooooo bad! That poor coach seeing as she is right at crotch level when she suddenly hugs him. Sigh.

      Delete
  2. Heheh I don't like noise either. it's why I love living alone now. I come home after work and...quiet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of the reasons I love my job . . . generally it is oh so nice and quiet.

      Delete
  3. Some noises I can just tune out, but there's a certain pitch that kids can reach that produces an instant headache. Have you noticed that some kids don't get the concept of inside voices?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, I am aware of those kidlets without a volume switch!

      Delete
  4. Oh the noisy life of kids...Yeah i get you. Some days I'm screaming, "Be QUIET" They don't listen though lol. And the fact your four year old sexually harrasses her soccer coach is awesome and hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes, the screaming "Be QUIET" does seem rather counter productive doesn't it!

      I can just hope that her coach finds the sexual harassment as entertaining as we do.

      Delete
  5. I love that your four-year-old is chasing around her soccer coach. That is priceless! I'm sure the coach finds it adorable if truth be known :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be ever so much more adorable if her face was right at crotch level and she basically buries her face into him!

      Delete
  6. Wow that must be so tough. I have an app for my phone called Relax Melodies. I can mix individual sounds and tunes into calming combos. I put it on while I'm in the shower, while I'm reading, while I'm falling asleep. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not certain I would be able to hear the relaxing sounds and music over the din of my not so quiet kidlets! :)

      Delete
  7. Noise to me is like being sandblasted. Ear buds with your choice of music can help, even though I can remember going through a phase where I couldn't even bear to play the radio in my car.

    When my oldest boy was first introduced to soccer he pantsed his coach.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwhahaha! So far there has been no pantsing of the coach but who knows what the future holds. :)

      Delete
  8. Thank you so much for posting the first part. I've actually made an appointment with my family Doc to talk about my sudden impatience with my littles (6, 2.5 and 7mths). It also seems to be noise triggered, and reading your description really helped me put my thoughts into words. I'm not sure if it is PPD related or not, but it feels good to know that I am not the only one. Thank you.
    Also, shut-up was a bad word in my house too! But as we got older my Mom gave us the rule that we could tell someone (a sibling or friend) to shut up if we told them to be quiet 3 times and they didn't listen. I still have memories of chasing my sister around yelling "bequietbequietbequiet SHUT UP!" Haha. Thanks for reminding me of that!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have a sensitivity to noise too. It can become so overwhelming that I have anxiety attacks.
    Brian understands and let's me leave the room.
    If its your trigger try to create a plan.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ha! That is too funny about your daughter and the coach. I'm sure he's used to it. :D

    I get it about the noise. I'm not as sensitive as you, but it does get to me sometimes. Make me nuts. I'm so sorry that it can get to that awful point for you.

    ReplyDelete

Ah connecting is a grand thing!