I am wrecking everything. I am on the edge. I can feel myself struggling not to fall and I am wrecking everything as I fight myself.
The past little while, but worse the past couple of days, I haven't been in a good place. I haven't found joy in much of anything, least of all my kids. I haven't wanted to be around them at all. I love them so much and yet the moment we are together my anxiety soars and I cannot cope with regular kid stuff.
Tonight my mood rubbed off in the worst way on Brad. He reacted horribly. I reacted horribly. Our kids caught in the middle of the struggle.
What am I suppose to do? I am a mother who, at this very moment, does not want to be around my children. What do I do? More meds? More therapy? I am tired of it all. I want to be me again. I want to find joy in my kids not just annoyance. Why the fuck can't I just be normal? Why?